YIKES!!! A Bit Creepy

No joke, I opened my old email account today and found the following. I fear too much explanation will rob you of the out and out humor and shock I got from it. Enjoy:

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Its 1 am and I have had a really long day. I got up and went and had a meeting in the morning with a lawyer to pitch to him why he should let me contact one of the men/companies that he represents. You see, in my short time in pitching CEO’s, CFO’s and just the regular jo or jane I have found that it is always better to start at the top and let them work their way down. It saves a lot of time, trouble and I sleep better at night. You also don’t have to deal with the “watchdog” or the minimum wage person who is paid to say “NO”. Sorry, I got off on a tangent…so … the meeting went well and 30 min later I had the cell phone number of the owner of this company and to add some nicety to the situation the Lawyer had called him up and done a nice little intro for me. 5 min later I had what I was looking for, an appointment to go to his HQ in Saint George and pitch him in person. Well, it did not go 100% as I had wanted. The day he had available I will still be in Peru, so my cohorts will have to take care of it without me.

Let me back up just a bit. This is a rude way to start a story. Sometimes I forget that the reader is not reading my mind. It was 1 am (like I said above) and I was trying to sleep but my roommate and his brother are playing video games and it is really loud. I had contemplated about getting up and asking them to turn it down but that would have required more effort than I wanted to expend ( I am trying to conserve my caloric burn, you know, you don’t want to burn too many or you will lose weight and who wants to do that.) So I did what every other person would do… I picked up my smart phone. Most nights I will read my popsci.com articles and catch up on what is going on in the world with foxnews.com and I really like the foxnews.com/scitech section… always lots of good stuff in there. Then after a while a good jaunt on engadget and then if I am still awake, I find out how my cougars are doing. But stuff at the capitol was slow today so I did that already.
Next on my list of fun things to do is to search people I know or don’t know. One can always find out crazy stuff about someone if they just do a google search. Naturally I googled ( it is being added to the dictionary) you. I mean why not right. I could have searched you because of the norm… I mean you are talked about (in passing) by a good number of people at the capitol. They are all good things. Most interns have crushes on you and you are very pretty. And (yes I started a sentence with a conjunction, it is legal you know) you are one of just a few girls I know that can rock a pair of “cow” cowgirl boots at the state capitol as an Intern. But those are not the reasons why I did the search that lead me to your blog, which by the way is very fun to read and insightful but drastically neglected for a self proclaimed writing addict. Apparently you joined writers anonymous and got over that weakness, good for you. No, I did the search because you seem different. How else can I say that? You project an air of superb confidence yet you are down to earth. You get stuff done yet you are still learning. You love what you do and I think you want to keep going down this path and really make a difference. I get this sense that you love a challenge and you like to be your own boss, calling the shots and taking responsibility. You seem passionate about doing well and keeping those whom you report to very satisfied…which you do by doing good work. It does not seem to me that you are in it for power or even recognition ( which I think you do like secretly) but you do it because you like to serve and use your perceived and recognized talents to do things others can’t or won’t do. I could be way off… or I could be spot on. This should be super weird coming from guy you have only seen 5 times with 3 or 4 of those times coming in a 6 hr span but then again maybe it is not. I can’t tell you why I think these things, I just do. I guess my purpose in writing to you was….. well….. because I wanted to. So I did, I mean I am. You see I have always tried to live my life by a few standards, one of which is I don’t ever want to say “I wish I coulda woulda shoulda hada but I didn’t.” Because of that little saying I literally do things that others would not do… like walk down the stairs with/after a girl who is obviously in a hurry ( or trying to avoid me, maybe a combo of both)and try to say 10 words to her so she thinks you are not too pushy or forward but all you really want to do is learn more about her and what makes her tick but you don’t have time to do it in a normal setting cause she is super busy and she did not go to lunch with you, which by the way made you feel a little silly because this is not your first time asking a girl to lunch and you should have done better recon but you were inpatient because you are going to Peru in 4 or 5 days and you did not feel like you had the time to play the friend card to learn more about this person, plus she seemed flirtatious when you first met. If you wanted a good example of an emotion based run-on sentence there you have it.
With all of that said and not said let me finish this, this…. what ever this is…. with a few thoughts. Writing to you like this is reckless and im embracing it like a mother a new born child, with excitement in the moment and fear of the future. You could get this and think it was funny and right up your ally. You could never read it or you could think it was inappropriate. If it is the latter, I am truly sorry. I would be very happy to tell you a little about me but ill leave that up to you. Im not asking for anything. Pen pal at best. If you enjoyed this or found it a bit intriguing write me back or say hi to me on Monday. If not, I took the scary dive off of the high dive and belly flopped. It will sting for a bit but I will always have style points to fall back on. Now I can go to bed and say I did instead of saying I wish I woulda.
Spence
P.S. My hair is not usually this long and I always have a clean shaven face but I have to grow it out for a project I am doing. I promise I am not a member of the mafia.
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Uhhh… a bit much right? I’m not sure much more explanation is needed but your heckling and comments are encouraged.